Sunday, April 8, 2007

SNAGS for Easter Evening

Winding down on Easter evening after visiting my mother.  My kids were there, as was my brother, SIL, and my BF went this time.  It was all in all a nice time but many questions have arisen in my mind that I have to deal with very soon.  I'm extremely concerned about some legal issues that have plagued me for quite some time.  I've mentioned it off and on in my regular journal but not in depth.  I brought my concerns to my mother's attention after my brother left and am now more concerned than ever.  Yet still I hate to bring my dirty laundry out in the air...well not dirty laundry but some back handed things that will affect my children (I'm not concerned about myself as my mother as given more to me in the past few years than I could ever repay) and my mother, herself.  How I approach this is not going to be pretty or easy and will probably rock someone's boat.  My mother was to deed her house to my brother and I two years ago.  My brother talked her into deeding it to him solely two days before we were change the title.  I let it slide.  I was a bit ignorant/naive.  Legally, my mother does not own the home that she and my father built 59 years ago; our family home...my brother owns it.  My brother has a wife.  There has never ever been any love lost between my mother and SIL to say the least.  Should something happen to my brother tomorrow, my SIL would own our family home.  My mom said she would add an addendum to her will.  I could tell by my BF's expression that all was not well.  She can't give me 50% of something she doesn't own.  I don't want the house.  My brother can live in it until the day he dies.  I just do not want to see my children cheated out of a home that should go to them; not my SIL or her family.  I see ugliness brewing.  My father must be rolling in his grave.

So, it was a good Easter day but things have to be done.  But only my brother can add me to the deed.  My BF said to give it a day or two and then discuss this all with my mother.  I hate to throw this all upon her but she has to realize that there is no guarantee that my brother or I will live longer than she does.  I get physically ill when I think of what would happen if something happened to my brother tomorrow.  My mother would be at the disposal of my brother's wife...ugh.  These are things that drive families apart.  My mother has far too much trust in my brother.  I'm praying for the right words once again.  This is something I will not let up on.  Anyway, not the entry I planned for this day...I have a few snags I've been plodding along at...Hugs to all...Chris

            

        

                    

                  

29 comments:

nightmaremom said...

Happy Easter Chris... I hope you find the strength.  Love the tags.
hugs
d

lisa41076 said...

Chris, I love those snags, I do hope you and your brother can work something out , my grandpa's girlfriend cut me and my brothers out of his will and put herself in charge to make sure she and her daughter were taken care of, she was looking out for herself and still is, Happy Easter, Hugs Lisa

hugsdoodlewacky said...

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGSTOYOU)))))))))))))))))I hope and pray things work out for the best.I love your graffics.Glad you had a nice Easter.Have a good night.

lanurseprn said...

The tags are beautiful!  I hope things get sorted out soon. I hate dealing with that sort of stuff. Luckily, my mom had it all sorted when she died.  But, my Dad's inheritance to me might be a fight. That's a whole other can of worms.
You'll find the words and the strength. I know you will.
Hugs...Pam

psychfun said...

Is the last snag suppose to have "lend" twice?

Ok, now this all had to be done with an attorney before & he would have to deem her sound mind when she changed it. That is one point. Next, she would also have to be deemed sound mind now if she changes it again. Is there an executor of the will? Does someone have power of attorney of her? These are all matters to discuss with an attorney. Now if this was deeded to both your brother & you & your mom did die then what? You would both have the house so who lives in it? Usually what people do is sell & then split the money. Is this what you are thinking? Then if you brother did die even after your mom he can have his 1/2 portion left to his wife so that still would be an issue. Or to his kids. I know that 1/2 is different than all & that may just be it but make sure to work with an attorney. They could change it for you & then secretatively just change it again later without telling you & you find out after she passed. It is ugliy. I'll just say also that our family attorney once told us that the siblings in a family fought so long in court that all the money that was in question was lost in attorney fees & no one got a penny. Something to think about.

princesssaurora said...

Oh no... this is scary stuff... but yes, your bro is the only one who can add you... simple to do... just filing at the county clerk.  I would do it fast... good luck.

be well,
Dawn

queeniemart said...

Do you get along with the brother? If so, get that deed changed NOW.  If not, oh boy. I cant stand my SIL either. These kind of things are awful but stand firm and hold your head high. I hate family drama. Love you so,lj

astoriasand said...

Hi Chris sorry to read you have the worry of this on your mind,yet still it is better spoken of than kept inside.A problem shared is a problem halved, a quote I am a big believer in.I don't know if your legal system is the same as ours here over the pond,but maybe your Son or Daughter could get free legal  advise on your behalf,being they are younger.In England if you do not have earnings enough anyone can get free advise from solicitors.Think about that one.She or he are still blood to this Will.I hope you do get it sorted.This problem happens many times in family deaths and I for one have been through the same thing.Robbed and stared in the face from none blood relatives,though health and happiness is my priority and not money or possesions.This is a tender problem one has to tread gently on.I do understand your principles having said that last statement.,and I am a big principle person too.Take Care God Bless.
Astoriasand http://journals.aol.co.uk/astoriasand/MYSIMPLERHYMES

lindapaterson177 said...

Stopped by to visit I hope things work out for you all.
luv bella xx

drb1064 said...

Oh sounds like a pretty bad situation to be in I don't envy you trying to sort it out. Good luck hope everything comes out ok.
Debbie xxx
http://journals.aol.co.uk/drb1064/whatever

seraphoflove9001 said...

Oh boy....good luck hon!
Lisa

jibaro6543 said...

Prayers are with you hun....but it is best to take care of things now before it is too late and then the legal hassles would be too much...the right words will come to you...keep positive!!!
-Ellie

bgilmore725 said...

Yes, Chris, it can get ugly... a similar thing happened to my husband's grandmother. She left her home to her son, then her son died before she did. Now her DIL owns the house. Nothing any of her other children could do once their mother died. So take care of it. It wouldn't matter if you didn't care about the house, and you didn't have kids who could benefit. Pray for the right words to say. Someone has to stay cool and calm, and be rational because someone else always gets angry, and that's when it gets ugly. It's not worth it. I hope it goes well for everyone involved. Bea

preciousone25 said...

I totally understand your concern.... don't let this go any longer.... take care of it, quickly!!

Joann
PreciousOne25

jeadie05 said...

I really dont envy you this problem,but it has to be dealt with , with love Jan xx

tillywooat62 said...

OOo Chris I really wouldnt like to be in your shoes when you have to try and discuss this with your family, My Mum signed her house over to my younger sister but she had a clause put in the agreement that the house could not be sold whilever my mum is alive, could your mum have done something like this,

good luck love Lynne xx

pharmolo said...

Wish you strength at that difficult juncture, Chris.

jckfrstross said...

good luck:)

Deb

jmoqueen said...

Sounds like you and your family have lots to discuss ~ I just hope you can work it out.

Jenny

http://journals.aol.co.uk/jmoqueen/MyLife/

chevyz71gurl74 said...

Hoping everything works out Chris...
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers...
Hugs,
Terri

jlocorriere05 said...

I hope you can sort out the mess with your mum's home. It doesn't seem right that it could all go to your SIL. Jeannette xx  

kalekinileilani said...

I love this tag...I would love to have dreams with the name Sally on it please hugsssss Sally

gehi6 said...

I know I am greedy but I thought the Dream one was adorable!  So I had to snag that.  May post it before the other one.  I will let you know.  I will have to see.  Love, Gerry

thegirlnexdoor77 said...

Keeping you in my prayers and that your mom can mend her will so that your children are taken care of..as I am sure she would want that for them...hope you have a good week!  Hugs,TerryAnn

astra1547 said...

Hi...

Thanx Chris...i have snagged most of your graphics. I can't add them to my AOL journal, but i can on "Astras Space" which you will find on my side bar in my AOL journal...

Astra!

http://journals.aol.com/astra1547/astras-new-journal/

Astra1547@sky.com

xxroxymamaxx said...

Oh, and pretty tags! : )

xxroxymamaxx said...

chris, that sucks! I hope your brother comes to his senses and makes this right!  Love, Shelly

penniepooh said...

Chris, I hope this all gets straightened out about the house. I can see why you are so concerned about it - I would be , too.
Try not to worry.
Love ya
Penny

http://journals.aol.com/penniepooh/pennys-pieces-of-ohio/

http://www.myspace.com/pennysplace2gogh

queenb8261 said...

Your BF is  right. Your mother cannot put a codicile in her will, giving you half the house now that she has put it in your brother's name. I think you, your mom & brother need to sit down WITHOUT his wife, as this is a blood family matter. This needs to be done as soon as possible. I don't know how long the house has been out of her name but in KS a person has to be destitute (without any possesions) for 3 yrs or if they have to go into a nursing home or rehab facility, the state can take her assets along with any SS she is drawing to pay for her living accomidations. I am SO glad that my Dad knew about this and did it. His house was put in our name.  they are leasing it to some kids who want to buy it. My brother & I have a joint checking acct. so we can deal with the money.
I am SO sorry I missed all these entries. I keep falling further behind.
Take care and I hope it all works out hon.
Love  ya, Barb