What a week. I really hate to whine when so many have so much more to worry about. The money used to fix the furnace has blown the budget right out of the water. There is nothing left for Christmas. It had taken all I could do to work my budget around Christmas. I had managed to save an extra $200 for some presents. Yep, it's heating the house instead of putting something under the tree.
To top it off, I had a flat tire after work on Tues. (sound familiar LJ?) Luckily, they were able to plug it. I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed that it holds.
I had lunch today with Megan. She is working full time again. Sad but true but bleak Christmas' are nothing new in this house. My kids do get things, though, from both sides of grandma's plus their dad so they will not lack for things. I just feel so darned bad when I'm lacking.
The bright light of the day was Megan. She is mostly on her own, working and paying her rent, utilities, buying food. She asked me today how in the world I fed and clothed them for so many year plus kept a roof over their head when I was making far less than she is now? She said I amaze her. Wish I was amazing myself right now. Reality and paying your way turns the light on, doesn't it? We talked about our day after Easter extravaganza's. They would be eagerly waiting for me to get home that Monday so they could fill their baskets with 1/2 stuff. They loved it. Things did improve but this year financially has been a really rough one; more so than it has in a few years.
So, today is my pity party day. Of course, I miss my dad which seems to make everything bleak. Ah, my daddy, who could always fix what was broken. This happens every year right before Christmas and usually just for a day.
So, I'm leaving this entry; an entry I did my first year of journaling. Many of you have read this; many may not have. It's my favorite. Forgive me if I bore you. This is a rather long entry:
A CHRISTMAS STORY
He was a rough and tumble two year old boy. It seemed liked everything he touched, he broke. He loved his trucks and cars but was just so rough. He broke his sister's toys; not on purpose. That's just the way he was.
Christmas was fast approaching. The barrage of toy commercials was on every TV channel. Then he saw it. He ran to get his mommy. He wanted her to see it. She was very busy but he finally managed to drag her to the t.v. She looked at the commercial. He could tell by her expression that she was not going to get it for him. He knew she thought he would not take care of it and break it like everything else.
He had to tell Santa; he just had to. But he was terrified of Santa. His mom made his sister and him get their pictures taken every year on Santa's lap at he mall. Oh, how he hated that but he had to do it this year. His mom had an odd, questioning expressionon her face when he asked when they were going to the mall to see Santa. She told him very soon.
He found a picture in the advertisement section of the paper and tore it out as gently as he could. He put it under his pillow for safekeeping. Santa had to see what he really, really wanted so he would get the little boy right thing.
The day came to see Santa. Oh, how scared he was but he had to be brave to show Santa the picture. He clutched the crumpled paper in his little hand. His heart was pounding by the time it was their turn to talk to Santa. His mother noticed a small piece of paper sticking out of his hand when the picture was developed that day. What could it be? Then she saw it after it had fallen out of his hand when he fell asleep in the car on the way home. It was that toy again. But it was very expensive and his dad wanted no part of it because he just knew that the little boy would only break it. His dad said it was a waste of money.
But when asked what he wanted for Christmas, that was the one and only thing the little boy ever mentioned. He prayed to Jesus for this toy. Even as a little boy, he talked to Jesus all the time and surely Jesus would make sure he got it.
Christmas morning came. He ran down the steps with his sister and looked at all the wrapped gifts. He looked ever so hard to find a box the size of what he wanted. His mom gave him some things but that wasn't it. He could feel a tear forming. Disappointment was no stranger to this little boy. And then..there it was...the box. He tore it open. He couldn't believe his eyes. There was his new best friend in the whole world...Teddy Ruxpin.
He ever so gently took the box and put it on the sofa. His dad never drank on Christmas so he wasn't afraid to ask him to open the box and put the batteries in. "My friend, my friend"...The ever gentle, kind, loving songs of Teddy Ruxpin.
Teddy stayed in his bed always. He was gentle and loving to Teddy. Teddy was special. When friends came to visit, he gave Teddy to his mom to put away for safekeeping. Teddy sang him to sleep every night. Teddy went to his Grandpa's with him. His Grandpa also loved Teddy and they spent many happy hours listening to Teddy and looking at the books. Grandpa loved the little boy beyond words and loved the fact that there was a bear who sang such sweet songs to this special little boy with so much strife in his life.
Teddy's eye was fixed and his mouth was fixed until Teddy could be fixed no more. By then the little boy was not so little but Teddy would always be one of the brightest spots of this little boy's broken childhood. The little boy's name is Joey. His mom is me, Chris