Thursday, December 20, 2007

Sleighbells/SNAG or TAG

                

What a week.  I really hate to whine when so many have so much more to worry about.  The money used to fix the furnace has blown the budget right out of the water.  There is nothing left for Christmas.  It had taken all I could do to work my budget around Christmas.  I had managed to save an extra $200 for some presents.  Yep, it's heating the house instead of putting something under the tree. 

To top it off, I had a flat tire after work on Tues.  (sound familiar LJ?)  Luckily, they were able to plug it.  I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed that it holds.

I had lunch today with Megan.  She is working full time again.  Sad but true but bleak Christmas' are nothing new in this house.  My kids do get things, though, from both sides of grandma's plus their dad  so they will not lack for things.  I just feel so darned bad when I'm lacking.

The bright light of the day was Megan.  She is mostly on her own, working and paying her rent, utilities, buying food.  She asked me today how in the world I fed and clothed them for so many year plus kept a roof over their head when I was making far less than she is now? She said I amaze her.  Wish I was amazing myself right now.  Reality and paying your way turns the light on, doesn't it?  We talked about our day after Easter extravaganza's.  They would be eagerly waiting for me to get home that Monday so they could fill their baskets with 1/2 stuff.  They loved it.  Things did improve but this year financially has been a really rough one; more so than it has in a few years. 

So, today is my pity party day.  Of course, I miss my dad which seems to make everything bleak.  Ah, my daddy, who could always fix what was broken. This happens every year right before Christmas and usually just for a day.

So, I'm leaving this entry; an entry I did my first year of journaling.  Many of you have read this; many may not have.  It's my favorite.  Forgive me if I bore you. This is a rather long entry:

A CHRISTMAS STORY

He was a rough and tumble two year old boy.  It seemed liked everything he touched, he broke.  He loved his trucks and cars but was just so rough.  He broke his sister's toys; not on purpose.  That's just the way he was. 

Christmas was fast approaching.  The barrage of toy commercials was on every TV channel.  Then he saw it.  He ran to get his mommy.  He wanted her to see it.  She was very busy but he finally managed to drag her to the t.v.  She looked at the commercial.  He could tell by her expression that she was not going to get it for him.  He knew she thought he would not take care of it and break it like everything else.

He had to tell Santa; he just had to.  But he was terrified of Santa.  His mom made his sister and him get their pictures taken every year on Santa's lap at he mall.  Oh, how he hated that but he had to do it this year.  His mom had an odd, questioning expressionon her face when he asked when they were going to the mall to see Santa.  She told him very soon.

He found a picture in the advertisement section of the paper and tore it out as gently as he could.  He put it under his pillow for safekeeping.  Santa had to see what he really, really wanted so he would get the little boy right thing.

The day came to see Santa.  Oh, how scared he was but he had to be brave to show Santa the picture.  He clutched the crumpled paper in his little hand.  His heart was pounding by the time it was their turn to talk to Santa.  His mother noticed a small piece of paper sticking out of his hand when the picture was developed that day.  What could it be?  Then she saw it after it had fallen out of his hand when he fell asleep in the car on the way home.  It was that toy again.  But it was very expensive and his dad wanted no part of it because he just knew that the little boy would only break it.  His dad said it was a waste of money.

But when asked what he wanted for Christmas, that was the one and only thing the little boy ever mentioned.  He prayed to Jesus for this toy.  Even as a little boy, he talked to Jesus all the time and surely Jesus would make sure he got it.

Christmas morning came.  He ran down the steps with his sister and looked at all the wrapped gifts.  He looked ever so hard to find a box the size of what he wanted.  His mom gave him some things but that wasn't it.  He could feel a tear forming. Disappointment was no stranger to this little boy.  And then..there it was...the box.  He tore it open.  He couldn't believe his eyes.  There was his new best friend in the whole world...Teddy Ruxpin.

He ever so gently took the box and put it on the sofa.  His dad never drank on Christmas so he wasn't afraid to ask him to open the box and put the batteries in.  "My friend, my friend"...The ever gentle, kind, loving songs of Teddy Ruxpin.

Teddy stayed in his bed always.  He was gentle and loving to Teddy.  Teddy was special. When friends came to visit, he gave Teddy to his mom to put away for safekeeping.  Teddy sang him to sleep every night.  Teddy went to his Grandpa's with him.  His Grandpa also loved Teddy and they spent many happy hours listening to Teddy and looking at the books.  Grandpa loved the little boy beyond words and loved the fact that there was a bear who sang such sweet songs to this special little boy with so much strife in his life. 

Teddy's eye was fixed and his mouth was fixed until Teddy could be fixed no more.  By then the little boy was not so little but Teddy would always be one of the brightest spots of this little boy's broken childhood.  The little boy's name is Joey.  His mom is me, Chris

22 comments:

chevyz71gurl74 said...

I snagged...thanks so much I love bears =)

I'm sorry things are so tight this year Chris...it seems there is always something everytime ya turn around that our homes need or cars etc....it never ends....

Wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas...may your days be filled with love and laughter and the comfort of being with one another.....

Hugs
Terri

sugarsweet056 said...

Love the tag!
Wishing you & family a Merry Christmas, things will get better with the New Year! Have faith!
Hugs,
Sugar

queeniemart said...

i understand the entire thing about money and the holidays. Oh boy, do i get that! I wish i was closer to you, i'd come over with you and we'd make it a special holiday. I miss Penny so much...hell, i even addressed a Christmas card to her before i thought about it. :((
I love you
lj

bridgetteleigh75 said...

May I have this tag with Parker and Janya, please?

Thanks so much!

XOXO

bridgetteleigh75@aol.com

bgilmore725 said...

What a sweet story... you made a little boy's dream come true. I'm glad your folks or his folks are able to help your kids have a good Christmas. When it rains it pours! I hope things improve after the first of the year, Chris. It isn't the presents they get from you, but your presence that is most important. You can give them that. Have a good week. bea

rdautumnsage said...

I loved the story of Teddy Ruxpin. I always did without to give Skye the best Christmas too while she was growing up. Like you this year is tight and she has a place to call her own now. I still tried to do a little something for her and her fiance (she has managed to get her father's side of the family, upset with her and they refuse to do Christmas for her this year). I don't know if it's my age, or just the place I'm at in my life right now. I'm not thinking much about what's under the tree, rather more in the way of gifts of the spirit. As Megan already said hon, she is amazed you did what you did for so many years. Your kids understand more than you think.....relax and watch the true meaning of this holiday come alive, you've definitely earned the right to sit one out here and there.

I just want to take this time to say, Thank you! for being the wonderful, caring, loving friend you have been to me since I first made my way into J-land. I'm honored and more than delighted to know you.
Wishing you all the love, peace, and joy you so richly deserve this holiday! Love Ya Indigo

gehi6 said...

I can remember some skinny Christmases back when I was a single mom, too, and I remember Revlon use to lay me off right at Xmas, but relatives would come through with much needed stuff like sneakers for my basketball playing son, stuff like that.  You have got a lot to cover with a house and all the fixings.  My sister wanted me to buy her double wide trailer, but after living in it a while as a renter, and having the air conditioning go out for one thing in Phoenix, where you can't live without it, I decided I could not afford it and moved to a smaller apt I could.  There is alot of worry getting through those years.  I am glad your daughter is now appreciating just like the stress of a furnace that had to be repaired.  You can't live without heat in a cold place either  Air conditioning is our big bugaboo here   I sometimes would not even turn the heat on in the winter!  Gerry http://journals.aol.com/gehi6/daughters-of-the-shadow-men/  

jckfrstross said...

Merry Christmas Chris:)

Deb

xxroxymamaxx said...

I remember the entry!  : )  It's still beautiful this time.  Sorry bout your furnace and this whole stinking year.  Inflation and everything has just left just about everyone broken.  I hope your 2008 is soooo much better!!!!!  love you, Shelly

astoriasand said...

Awwwwwww Chris I am so sorry things are hard for you right now.I have been there many times and not too proud to say so.On my own with three Children somedays not knowing where the next meal was coming from.Kids always realise how special mums are,when they get there own places,and how we have coped all them years.Dang boilers and other things.I know what you mean don't I this week.Grrrrrr.The story of your kindness to little Joey was beautiful,and you will reap your rewards one day Chris I am sure of it.I have my Teddy from being three yrs old He doesn't sing but I wouldn't part with him for the world.59 on Tuesday he will be.If I lived closer I would invite you to his Birthday party,you and I would have a ball.LOL!!Prayers for you and yours always. My Christmas messgae is going out to J/land today.Thankyou for everything Chris.Try have a lovely Christmas and lets be blessed our kids are well and we are too.We don't need money when we have one another.Take Care God Bless Kath
astoriasand http://journals.aol.co.uk/astoriasand/MYSIMPLERHYMES

fisherkristina said...

Okay, so like, I am going to cry over the teddy story.  
Sorry there are no gifts from you.  I know the kids will realize you did the most important thing for them and fixed the heater.  Not that that will make it easier for you, but they will realize.  I know they love you dearly, Chris.  Love,

Krissy
http://journals.aol.com/fisherkristina/SometimesIThink

queenb8261 said...

Sgh. I hadn't read it before. What a tear jerker. They are big kids now and the remember the best of times. they understand. Please don't beat yourself up. Things happen. Unfortunately. I f you are half the mother as you are a friend....then they are blessed beyond words.
Holiday hugs, Barb  

chat2missie said...

What a beautiful story!
Missie

pharmolo said...

Lovely story, Chris - a light in the pre-Xmas gloom.

midwestvintage said...

 Oh Chris, what a beautiful story.  My favorite Christmas memories didn't involve the toys I got, just the way the family celebrated.  Your children will remember that.  I can so relate to the broken furnace.  Mine broke down last winter and it was a cold winter indeed.  Merry Christmas.


                     Julie

labdancer51 said...

That story is beautiful Chris, very touching. How awful that you have so much extra expense at Christmas, these things always seem to happen at the very worst time.

Love Sandra xxxx

eyesbaerle said...

What a wonderful, wonderful Christmas story!
My heart goes out to you....... it is sad that we have many times a poor perception of our own person. I really wish you would not feel that way. What Megan said must worth a million dollar to you. Isn't it amazing when the "kids" finally grow up and realize what a mothers love all can do?
Luckily you had the money to fix your furnace. Yes, it sucks when the Christmas money goes for fixing stuff around the house, and I really can't say nothing to make you feel better. But, at least you are able to stay warm now.
I am sure you will have a very blessed Christmas this year....because you deserve it!
Best wishes, Maria

lanurseprn said...

Hi Chris...I've had many Xmas's where I couldn't buy anyone much of anything. One year, I made gifts. It's an awful feeling when you can't do it for your kiddos. But, your kids know you love them and they know how it is. It's not all about the gifts and they know that.
Enjoy your kids...and have a nice dinner at home with them. They'll remember that.
Love ya,
Pam xoxox

lisa41076 said...

Chris, Thanks for the great story, Merry Christmas to you, Hugs Lisa

siennastarr said...

I'm sitting here with tears.. especially when I got to the end and realized it was Joey who wanted Teddy Ruxpin.  What a heartwarming story.

As far as Christmas goes.. well.. you and I have been down the same road when it comes to struggling to make ends meet.  I can relate to how you've felt in the past, and how you are feeling now.

I pray things get better for you Chris.. as I know this year has been a tough one for you, as well as me.  2008 has got to be OUR year, girlfriend!!

Try and have a Merry Christmas!  

Love you
jackie

hugsdoodlewacky said...

(((((((((((((((HUGSTOYOU))))))))))))I do hope and pray htings work out for you.I lvoe the story.Thank you for sharing.Have a Merry Christmas.

carolelainedodd said...

Loved the story.
Sorry you're having such a bad time. Money will only stretch so far. I'm sure your kids will understand.
Have a Blessed Christmas.
Carolxx