Saturday, September 20, 2008

A Tale of 2 Daughters/SNAGS



Two beautiful girls, linked by genetics and birth parents but oh so different.  Not the entry I had planned for today but does life ever go according to a plan.  Becky, brooding Becky, who has carried so much weight on her shoulders.  I wish I could find the link to my tribute entry to my oldest child and what drove her to success.  I still want to cry when I think of it.  It was a brilliant paper she wrote for entry into college but ripped my heart out.  It was the fear of her alcoholic father that drove her to become the scholar she is today. 

I sit here today in a mood which can't be explained but every loving mother knows that mood.  A child in deep pain.  My child is in deep pain.  I think of Lisa Jo's boxes and often wonder if Becky has boxes in her mind with things closed tight in them.  I know my son does because he has told me he chooses not to remember his childhood.

Becky's BF dumped her about 5 weeks ago.  She has broken up with BF's and had them break up with her before.  I figured she would be sad for a while and move on.  Megan moved in with her shortly afterwards so she would have company.  It's not happening.  She is not getting over it.  In fact, she is not sleeping, lost well over 10 lbs because she won't eat and comes home from school and goes to bed and cries or sleeps.  She texted me a day or two ago begging me to find a way to help her.  I then called Megan and found out that Becky is, in my opinion, clinically depressed.  So, this was the incident that opened the boxes.  I knew in my heart one day that Becky could keep suppressing all the fear, hurt and pain. 

Some may not agree with me.  Personally, I could care less.  I called Dr. G.  The problem was Becky's insurance is an HMO which he does not participate in.  It would cost $1,200 for about 90 days of treatment.  I wanted to throw up.  Good news is Becky has the PPO plan which will pay a percentage for out of network treatment.  On a side note, she told me she's been taking benadryl or Tylenol PM to sleep because she wakes up with panic attacks.  That could become a huge problem.  Keep my Becky in your thoughts, prayers, etc.  I'm scared to death that she won't be able to keep up in the Ph.d. program.  Thank goodness, she is done with the school part and doing the lab internship.  Her old boss (professor) has moved her lab work times around so she doesn't have to see "M".  That was a huge problem.  She has 3 more years of the program with "M".  He is truly not helping matters one bit but I didn't expect he would.  She wil see the doc no later than Tues.


Daughter #2 does get stressed.  She is a stress eater or so she says but weathers the storms relative unscathed.  She was the baby and stood her ground with the "Dad" in our household.  She was a tiny little thing but would look him straight in the eye and tell him he was mean.  For some reason, he thought that was funny.  She says now she was scared but would never let him know it.  She talked back to him constantly.  She was his baby.  She doesn't carry the scars or the baggage of childhood like her brother and sister.  She was the princess and demanded to be treated as one.

She is bubbly, boisterous, loves to have fun (too much at times).  She is very much like me barring my depression era.  I'm loud, I talk a lot, an awful lot.  People that don't know my children find it hard to believe that my two oldest are quiet.  I love to have fun, love to dance, love crazy hair.  I can't believe I'm this old and still want to do the things I do.

Megan is gone for the weekend visiting a friend who graduated and lives in Ohio.  She wanted Becky to go along.  Becky didn't want to leave the comfort zone right now.  Megan is frustrated.  Boy, do I envy those who have no clue what it feels like to be depressed.  I do worry about Megan because genetically she could suffer from depression at some point.  I also feel guilt about being the gene carrier for that.



So, enough of that, for now.  My BF is doing very well.  He is off of the oxygen.  We went to the store yesterday after work.  Today, the goal is Wally World.  Power is finally being restored in our area.  I was blessed to have not lost mine.  It flicked on and off a few dozen times.  BF's cable was gone until yesterday.  I never lost my sattelite connection which was amazing.  Hard to believe that Ike caused so much havoc in placed you wouldn't expect.

I also gave my self a "Chrissy cut."  It was really just a teensy trim.  My hair was just cut 2 weeks ago but was out of control.  Those short cuts grow out way too fast.  My son is cracking up.  I figure I get it professionally cut in two week so it should be grown out again.  I really need to get it cut shorter to begin with.  So the past couple of days have been a bad hair day.  I think the back spikes pretty well now but I'm sure my beautician won't agree. was just a slight trim on what I called the flying nun wings.

I really need to take a walk today.  I need to push myself on the weekends.  Heck, I need to push myself during the week sometimes.

Oh, and the timer on my dryer is kaput.  I'm hoping that is all but it's taking twice as long for things to dry also.   It just started Sunday before the storm. I need to get my appliance guy out sometime this week but my house is a total wreck :(  I hate that.  I could probably buy a new dryer for what it will cost to fix this one but it was a nightmare getting this one in the basement.  I had three delivered before we got one small enough to fit down the 100 year old basement steps, and it still got a bit banged up.  I mean it was a total nightmare.  The appliance guy remembers that and said I might just want to fix this one.  My electric bill is going to be atrocious so I must make my mind up very soon.

So, this was my book for the week.  Ugh, I never seem to be ableto make a short and sweet entry.  HUGS TO ALL...CHRIS


lisa41076 said...

Awwwww Chris, My heart goes out to Becky, give her a hug from me, Hugs Lisa

chat2missie said...

I know how you feel since not only do I suffer from depression but as you know, Nicci does too.  Keeping you and your daughter in my prayers.

mcknansmom said...

youa re doing the right thing for your daughter....  taking over and getting her to get help.  you and both yor daughters are in my prayers...

madcobug said...

Sending up prayers for your Becky that she can get the help she so badly needs. I hope she soon get back on the good track with her life. Helen

geocachelinda66 said...

Chris sounds like you have been busy. Glad the BF is home and doing better.  I hope your daughter can get some help for her depression.  Also depression in patients that have had open heart surgery is common, don't know if they addressed that with you at the hospital or not.  Linda

thegirlnexdoor77 said...

Keeping you BF in prayer as well as your children...I swear...when I read your journal I so relate to you...we have many things in common or least ways what I read in your journals we you a less stressful weekend..Hugs and prayers!  TerryAnn

springangel235 said...

Both your girls are in my prayers Chris.  Both girls and your son have a wonderful role model in you...they know you are their for them.   Many hugs to you and all...Joyce

nightmaremom said...

glad your BF is home and improving each day.   Your kids have you as a roll model and that is a good thing...   I can only imagine your frustration in not being able to make it all right...   good thoughts and hugs to all of you
love ya

bhbner2him said...

Prayers for you and your daughters!  -  Barbara

astoriasand said...

Poor Becky I know the feeling well.I have had depression for many years now Chris and it's a terrible illness.The last thing people would think I suffer with as they say so.Like you I love to chat laugh dance the job lot,but it doesn't take that cruel illness away.I do hope she gets help and things improve for her.Prayers being said.Good to hear BF is doing well.You look after yourself too you have been a fantastic mum.I hope things look up for you all in the coming weeks.Good luck with the dryer problem.Grrrrrrr there is always something isn't there?Take Care God Bless Kath astoriasand

sunnybethe said...

Daughters seem to worry us Mom's the most.  I know I took yrs to get over one of my loves.  I learned why they call it "heart break".  My chest actually hurt.   Maybe the insurance will ocme thruough for Becky, she does need to see someone aobut the depression.   hugs,  Bethe

lv2trnscrb said...

can you set your own timer to go down and turn of the dryer when it is done with its cycle? I know our old dryer up in Montana, its timer went kaput and that's what I would do; I'm really weird, I don't like to leave the dryer on if I'm not home, especially with Koda; I'm afraid a fire will start from it and he won't be able to get out

(((Becky)))) I'm so sorry for her; depression is a hard thing as you know to deal with; I'm glad that she's going to be seeing the doctor and I'm glad she won't be having to be around "M" so that she can hopefully start feeling better soon; I'll keep her in my prayers Chris

you are a great mom; I know you love your kids so very much and would do anything you can for them; don't beat yourself up because of possibly passing a gene on to them; just always remember you did/do the best you can!!!


bgilmore725 said...

I'm glad your BF is doing better. He'll feel like a new person by next month. I'm sorry for what's happening to young Becky. Be there for her, give her support. It is difficult when someone you love is depressed, and they live far away from you. I will pray for both of you. The doctor will be able to help her. Make sure she goes! bea

queenb8261 said...

Becky sounds a lot like my Robin. I don't know how old she is but I wish she was here. Tom could take her out and I guarante cheer her up.  He seems to be having no luck in the GF department. There aren't a lot of women out there working on freight trains. It's hard for him to meet anyone except in  a bar or through friends. I know he is sick of living here. It will be 3 yrs in Mar. I'm loving seeing the girls grow everyday. Kenzie in Kindergartern,Shelby's in 1st. The teacher told Tommy during the "goals" conference that Shelby and 1 other student are doing so much better as readers  that she wants them in accelerated reading. When she went to Kindergarten, we knew she was smart but had no idea how FAST she would catch on. Like a lit match!! Sorry I got off track. I do hope Becky can get theough the pain and move on. Sorry, all I have are cliche's to offer.
I give myself the Barb cut now and then. Long hair just doesn't need much. Mostly just my bangs. I need new highlights bigtime.
 Glad to hear your BF is doing better every day. Sorry to hear about your dryer. When ours went out and we bought a new one Richard convinced me to get an an elec one. I HATE IT. I've always had a gas dryer and this one seems to take twice as long!!! My elec bill is showing it too.
Hope your weekend is going well.
Love N Hugs, Barb

queenb8261 said...

PS Thanks for the snags!
Hugs Barb

queeniemart said...

DO NOT beat yourself up over what Becky is going thru..i know you and i know you will feel responsible for it and it is not your fault. I can relate to all of this so much and i am in tears for all of are such a wonderful person to HELP took all she had to call and ask for help.....and you are there and i pray to God with all my might that she finds what she needs to move forward from this man. Losing someone you love, like her ex, can destroy a person...there have been thousands of songs sang and poems written about a broken heart and MY GOD, it is so hard to repair. I wish i knew her and could hug her so tight.
Thank God my boxes have been shut securely for awhile.....
and panic attacks? They are so awful, i can not even find words.....because you can not control them. Please let us know how it goes.
Funny how people relate different to things huh? My Meg would also be like your Megan. Even if they are affected, they move on. If only i was that way!!
I pray the dumb dryer is fixable. I hate it when the appliances go South. I know what you mean about your hair. I have never had so many people HATE my new cut like this one. Only like 3 people like it! And what cracks me up is for once i like it! So, whatever i like, they hate!
I love you and want you to know you can call me today, anytime if you ever want to. XOXOXOXOXO

firestormkids04 said...

I will be praying for Becky and for you.  I won't even pretend to know how she feels or how you feel, although I also suffer chronic clinical depression.  I pray that her path will be comforting if not easy.  You are doing wha moms do best.  Worry and care.  It won't ever stop, but that's why God created you.  I know you and Becky will pull through this.  Blessings, Penny

bojgill4375 said...

So sorry about your daughter and her depression. That runs in my family. I handle it pretty good but not my children at times. :-(  I will be keeping her in my prayers. Some of us are just wired different, aren't we? Gee she don't realize it yet but sure that the Lord has someone else in mind for her already. Someone so much better. Sorry she has to see her BF because that would be so hard. That is the cutest pouting photo! lol Too cute!

I am glad that you didn't loose your electric.  I have been keeping all the hurricane victims in my prayers.  I am also glad to hear that your boyfriend has been able to go to work. A blessing.  It only takes about 2 wks. for my hair to be out of control and need a hair cut too. I also cut my own hair at times. lol Too funny about your entry! I am bad at even making short comments!! :(  Wishing you a blessed day. Hugs, Janie

frankandmary said...

Everyone carries the gene for something, so I wouldn't beat yourself up over that one.  Long long ago, I had a bf whose Mom didn't want me to be involved with him because my Mother was a legally blind, severe diabetic. She told me she didn't want him having kids like that LOL.  I know it wasn't funny at the time, but it is now.

Coping skills(along with help & in some cases meds) are beautiful things; we all have them & cultivate them to varying degrees. If your kids are fighters, they will make it thru. You don't explain them as quitters, & I don't think you are either. ~Mary

tpiez4me said...

I can associate with Becky.  I don't like to venture outside of my comfort zone either....I can see myself in her...benedryl etc to sleep.  I had to force myself to "get over it" and become stronger.  Not easy.
So glad to hear the bf is much better....I hope he continues his road to recovery.


sugerb6 said...

Chris you can't blame yourself for your daughters depression. I know all to well what it's like to be depressed and feel like you can't or don't want to drag yourself out into this big old world. All of you are in my thoughts and hopefully she gets the help she needs.

nay0114 said...

My girls are the same way so very different. I hope that Becky begins to feel better and realizes that there is someone out there who she can be happy with.
I'm glad that Ike didn't effect you to much. Yes it was a storm that took several states by surprise.
Hope you get something worked out on the dryer, mine is out too, but I refuse to repair it as it is cheaper to buy a new one. It's sad when we live in a day and time that you say things like that. Back in the good old days, those things lasted forever. Now they make them so they'll break everytime you turn around.
Take care and Hugs, Chrissie

hrt2heart615 said...

Chris..  It is amazing how our children can be so different.  I do know how it feels to have your children hurting.  Oh, man.. you just want to take their pain from them, because you know what it feels like to experience that kind of hurt.  I do hope that Becky is able to find help in dealing with this.  
Fantastic news that your BF is doing so well!  I pray he continues to recuperate, and that you all had fun at Wally World.  I'm going to have to look up this Wally World place.  Isn't that name of the place that Chevy Chase and his family went in one of those "Vacation" movies?? lol

Love you

pprrrr39 said...

I am so very sorry to hear that you daughter is going through what she is...... I suffer from panic attacks and sympathise with anyone who does.... they are not nice. I do hope that she is able to get the help that she needs and is able to get her life back on track.

Glad to hear that your boyfriend is doing well  :o))

Thank you for the beautiful tags
hugs Jayne

chevyz71gurl74 said...

Keeping Becky and everyone in my prayers....
I took anti-depressants for a year back in the 90's....
they really really helped...I hope the Dr. is able to help Becky....


I know it's hard watching your daughter in so much pain...know we are always here for you...


nelishianatl said...

It's hard to find anti-depressants that work.  I know your Becky's pain oh too well.  My Dad died of alcholism.  I'm hoping that she can get through this and not have to drop out of school.  She so doesn't deserve this.  Its so hard when someone you love leaves you and there's a break up.

Please know that I'll be praying for her to finish and get through this and for your strength to hang on during it all as well.

Hugs to you both,

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